The Resting of Change

I love fall. I love the change of colors, smells and definitely the change of temperature! I love snuggling into a warm sweater and hearing the leaves crunch under shoes. I can relate to the squirrels saving up for winter. I’m all about the change of seasons, but changes in the seasons of life…not so much.

I hate change. I’m what some would call boring. I’d rather say I’m stable. I like routine. I like vanilla ice cream, if I’m feeling particularly daring I’ll add sprinkles. I take the same route every time I go to the grocery store, church, or my moms. I like consistency, stability and certainty. Period. Change? 

Not a fan.

I just turned forty-seven. but, I will tell you, on my fortieth birthday, the BIG 4-0, I struggled. A lot. I knew this would be a decade of enormous change and I dreaded it. Honestly, I was mad and terrified. At forty, several huge changes were staring down (or should I say up?) the hill, at me and I wanted to run and hide.

These changes included being a caregiver to my parents. Walking with them through end of life issues, including my father’s Alzheimer’s, has been rough. Having my “nest” empty and learning what it means to be a mom to adult children. It’s really hard! Who knew?! Finally, I knew this decade meant starting to go through “the change”. Don’t even get me started! Unexpected facial hair and hormone flairs, really?!

Well, as you can tell I panicked at forty. FYI, panicking never helps. As I threw myself down on my kitchen floor (yes, I actually did) I was reminded and have had to remind myself over and over again. He never changes. Life was changing in big emotionally exhausting ways all the time and yet. He doesn’t change. Over the course of the last seven years, still in the midst of these changes, He speaks in a still quiet voice through His Word.

"Mandi, I don’t change."

"I don’t get tired"

"I don’t get overwhelmed."

"I don’t freak out with hormonal changes."

"I don’t grow weary and deplete."

"I don’t change."

"I am safe."

"I am full."

"I am complete."

"I am Who you need."

"I AM."

I have often camped in Isaiah 40: 28-31 (NASB). Reminding myself of what is true, because it is true. I remind myself it doesn’t have to feel true to be true. Truth is true.

“Do you not know? Have you not heard?
The Everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth
Does not become weary or tired.
His understanding is inscrutable.
He gives strength to the weary,
And to him who lacks might He increases power.
Though youths grow weary and tired,
And vigorous young men stumble badly,
Yet those who wait for the Lord
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary.”

He doesn’t change, seasons change. Seasons of life definitely change. I change. So, where do I look for my strength? Do I wait on the Lord? Or just wait for the season to change? Do I look to Him and draw near?

In these changing seasons of life I’m learning…I need to stand, lay and sometimes drop in a sobbing heap on the bedrock of the Truth, because He is True. Jesus is True and He doesn’t change.

As my faith learns to rest on Him and His finished work alone, I start to rest. I rest in the midst of the swirling changes. I learn to rest in the midst of unexpected loss and unmet expectations. 

Learning to rest in the changes, because He does not change. What about you? Where do you find rest in the midst of chaotic change? Draw near to Jesus to what is true with me. Rest.