I love fall. I love the
change of colors, smells and definitely the change of temperature! I love
snuggling into a warm sweater and hearing the leaves crunch under shoes. I can
relate to the squirrels saving up for winter. I’m all about the change of
seasons, but changes in the seasons of life…not so much.
I hate change. I’m what
some would call boring. I’d rather say I’m stable. I like routine. I like
vanilla ice cream, if I’m feeling particularly daring I’ll add sprinkles. I
take the same route every time I go to the grocery store, church, or my moms. I
like consistency, stability and certainty. Period. Change?
Not a fan.
I just turned
forty-seven. but, I will tell you, on my fortieth birthday, the BIG 4-0, I
struggled. A lot. I knew this would be a decade of enormous change and I
dreaded it. Honestly, I was mad and terrified. At forty, several huge changes
were staring down (or should I say up?) the hill, at me and I wanted to run and
hide.
These changes included being
a caregiver to my parents. Walking with them through end of life issues,
including my father’s Alzheimer’s, has been rough. Having my “nest” empty and
learning what it means to be a mom to adult children. It’s really hard! Who
knew?! Finally, I knew this decade meant starting to go through “the change”.
Don’t even get me started! Unexpected facial hair and hormone flairs, really?!
Well, as you can tell I
panicked at forty. FYI, panicking never helps. As I threw myself down on my
kitchen floor (yes, I actually did) I was reminded and have had to remind myself over and over again.
He never changes. Life was changing in big emotionally exhausting ways all the
time and yet. He doesn’t change. Over the course of the last seven years, still
in the midst of these changes, He speaks in a still quiet voice through His
Word.
"Mandi, I don’t change."
"I don’t get tired"
"I don’t get overwhelmed."
"I don’t freak out with
hormonal changes."
"I don’t grow weary and
deplete."
"I don’t change."
"I am safe."
"I am full."
"I am complete."
"I am Who you need."
"I AM."
I have often camped in
Isaiah 40: 28-31 (NASB). Reminding myself of what is true, because it is true. I
remind myself it doesn’t have to feel true to be true. Truth is true.
“Do you not know? Have you not heard?
The Everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth
Does not become weary or tired.
His understanding is inscrutable.
He gives strength to the weary,
And to him who lacks might He increases power.
Though youths grow weary and tired,
And vigorous young men stumble badly,
Yet those who wait for the Lord
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary.”
The Everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth
Does not become weary or tired.
His understanding is inscrutable.
He gives strength to the weary,
And to him who lacks might He increases power.
Though youths grow weary and tired,
And vigorous young men stumble badly,
Yet those who wait for the Lord
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary.”
He
doesn’t change, seasons change. Seasons of life definitely change. I change.
So, where do I look for my strength? Do I wait on the Lord? Or just wait for
the season to change? Do I look to Him and draw near?
In these
changing seasons of life I’m learning…I need to stand, lay and sometimes drop
in a sobbing heap on the bedrock of the Truth, because He is True. Jesus is
True and He doesn’t change.
As my
faith learns to rest on Him and His finished work alone, I start to rest. I rest
in the midst of the swirling changes. I learn to rest in the midst of unexpected
loss and unmet expectations.
Learning to rest in the changes, because He does
not change. What about you? Where do you find rest in the midst of chaotic
change? Draw near to Jesus to what is true with me. Rest.